I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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