Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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