I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
