Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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