He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
