the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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