babies were throwing up all over the place
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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