So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
