I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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