I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
