She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
