just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
