I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i think my cat just said my name.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
