don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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