I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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