6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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