I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
