we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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