I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
