Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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