stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You can't just leave with hair like that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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