3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
