the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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