Its about making memories worth repressing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
