My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
