"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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