i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
