'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
