Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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