So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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