What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
