Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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