So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
