I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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