Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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