i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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