those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
