TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
