too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
