nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
