I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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