Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
