Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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