Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
