when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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