I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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