Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
