Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
