and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
