I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
