Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
